Why Jess avoids public pools
We are originally from Southern California. Long before Moody Sister Whitney was born (she's 9.5 years younger than me) we had a pool in our backyard, and I would spend every second of summer in the pool. The smell of chlorine and wet feet smacking against the hot concrete still hold such nostalgia for me.
As my daughter grew up in Washington state, she loved swimming as much as I did and would go to the city pool every weekday from 1:00 to 5:00. I was working at the local bank in the IT department, so it was pretty rare that I would ever get to go with her. In fact, I probably hadn't even worn my swimsuit in over a year since we had been to a water slide. One hot Saturday, we had been working out in yard and my daughter and I decided to go cool off in the city pool. I went inside, with that bit of blindness you get when you walk into a dark, cool house after being outside in the bright sun for a long time. I threw on my one-piece and a pair of shorts and we were off!
At the pool, I was loving every second. I ignored the screaming, splashing children and just sort of drifted into my little happy place. Enjoying the cool water on my slightly crispy skin as I glided through the water. I decided to walk back to our bag and lay out in the sun for a bit. I bent over (with my heiny towards the water) and got my towel situated. Suddenly, my daughter comes running out of the pool -- "MOM! MOM!"
"What's going on?" I asked in bewilderment.
"Your butt is showing to everyone in the pool!" She exclaimed.
Feeling the back of my swimsuit, I knew she was totally joking, since I could clearly feel the fabric covering my rump.
"No, seriously mom, I can SEE YOUR ENTIRE BUTT!"
I decided to humor her in the bathroom mirror.
Complete shock as I looked in the bathroom mirror to realize that my formerly black one-piece swimsuit had a 6"x 5" patch directly over my ass-crack that was still fabric, but about as opaque as a sheer pair of pantyhose. YOU COULD SEE IT ALL.
OH THE HORROR. I had just been mooning the entire city....loads of families at the pool!!! And before you think "oh no big deal, you were in the water, Jess"... No. I was holding on to the side of the pool with my body floating, kicking my feet (ass hanging out of the water). I was doing handstands with my daughter (ass hanging out of the water). I was swimming some laps (ass hanging out of the water) . When I saw the reflection in the mirror, I was honestly surprised that the lifeguards hadn't pulled me aside -- but then again they were all teenagers probably dying laughing at me. (So glad this is before Instagram got really popular)
I put on my shorts and went home -- my husband asked why we came home early, so I pulled down my shorts and turned around. When he stopped laughing about 3 hours later he asked if I was ever going to be allowed to return to the pool.
Turns out I never washed all of the chlorine out of my swimsuit since that water slide trip, and it had just eaten away at the fabric of my swimsuit.... LESSON LEARNED. (Bonus: I think I got a little bit of color on a part of my body where the sun never shines)
Now, Cashmere is a small town. Word travels fast in a small town. Monday morning I head into work, and as we are getting ready to start our day someone says "OMG did you hear about what happened at the pool this weekend?"
I JUST DIED.
Okay, well I didn't die, but I turned lobster red and was holding my breath for what seemed like hours. Finally she told the story about some creep on Sunday in the parking lot watching the little kids swim. Everyone seemed to notice when I exhaled -- relieved that she hadn't heard about my lily white ass. So of course I had to share my story, and we all had a hearty chuckle at my expense.
A couple of days later it was my birthday, so my lovely little sister came in to my work with 4 balloons. They were sort of an odd arrangement -- 2 white balloons, a green and a black. She explained, "The green balloon is for the color of your beautiful eyes. The black balloon is because you're old as dirt. And," she says, holding the two white balloons next to each other in butt-cheek formation, "the white balloons are because this is what everyone saw at the City pool last weekend. I was going to get pink but then realized that wouldn't match your skin tone". HA!
Ain't she sweet?! Payback is still pending...
My current swimsuit consists of a tankini and shorts.
So now you've heard another one of my embarassing stories from my #moodylife -- share one of yours with me!!
P.S. Check your swimsuits carefully this summer season!!
Moody Sister Jess
Moody Sister Jess's Top Summer Picks
Get everything you need (sans swimsuits) to feel and look sexy, whether you have a swimsuit on or not! :0